I saw your request for a critique, just a quick note on your characters (since that was your focus?)--I think you have some really unique character designs, each with the possibility for a greater/deeper background, but the fourth wall breaking use of tropes and jokes hasn't solidified their actual names in my mind. And it's been a fun ride so far, but I definitely expect something important to happen here soon or yea, even the best characters can't keep an interest if there isn't an overarching plot.
Thanks! :D This is really helpful because I've been wondering when to start truly diving into the plot. Most people have been suggesting that I stick with the silliness a while longer, but... I think after chapter 5 it's going to get serious. After that, I finish establishing all the important concepts about this world.
xD The tropes and near-fourth-wall-breaking jokes are somewhat out of hand, I agree. I didn't feel bad about it because Logan isn't actually supposed to be breaking the fourth wall (it's like, she's pretending there's an audience, but doesn't actually know there is one, yknow?)
But I think that made me let my guard down. I also didn't expect to use Logan so much; the PoV is supposed to switch between characters each chapter. oops
anyway, thank you, this is really helpful and exactly what I wanted. :D
No problem! One thing I forgot to mention is that the most vague/inconsistent/not fully understood trope by me is the younger brother blonde kid. He's introduced so differently than how he behaves when his arc gets some attention, I don't know what to think of him/how to invest in his character/story. So probably some refinement on him would be helpful. I'm really liking the more serious tones when you do hit them... Like I get this feeling it's a mind game thriller... So keep that up! And the pace at which you're transitioning to more serious is pretty good, not too jarring. But yes now that we've had a taste I'd like to see more of it :)
xD The tropes and near-fourth-wall-breaking jokes are somewhat out of hand, I agree. I didn't feel bad about it because Logan isn't actually supposed to be breaking the fourth wall (it's like, she's pretending there's an audience, but doesn't actually know there is one, yknow?)
But I think that made me let my guard down. I also didn't expect to use Logan so much; the PoV is supposed to switch between characters each chapter. oops
anyway, thank you, this is really helpful and exactly what I wanted. :D